30 Days Journal - Day 18

I am a terrible journal-er. As an exercise to become better, I decided to do a 30 day journal challenge for myself. Just like during my quarantine, I am using Isolation Journals for daily journal prompt.

Prompt: Reflect on the types of things you feel compelled to hide. Maybe it’s some habit around food or a past indiscretion. Maybe it’s something that you worry would make people think less of you—maybe for good reason, maybe not. Your task is not to write about those particular things, but to answer the questions: Where does this impulse come from? How is this connected to what you fear—and why?

I think it is mainly a societal pressure for me to keep things to myself. I think my biggest experience of it is living in Asian countries in the past year. One example is the way I dress. As I grew up in Canada, I don’t really think too much about my summer attire, but in Asian countries they might be seen as revealing or showing too much. Other things that really made me rethink about how my brain is wired is media. I think since beginning of 2020, I mainly consumed Asian media (i.e. music and TV program), and when I saw Cardi B’s WAP music video for the first time, I didn’t know how to process it. In the past (prior to living in Asia), I would not bat an eyelash because I don’t think it has more “shock” factor than her other music videos. That is why I was surprised at my own reaction for WAP, and how much I have changed. It is something I think I need to work on for personal development. I think I am used to adapting to a new environment well, that the environment changes my beliefs as well. Sometimes for the better and sometimes it doesn’t. I need to strengthen the core values and beliefs that I already have and not be wavered because of the environment has changed while still be able to adapt. I think fear and quite frankly the shame that is attached to the things we are trying to hide has very distinct factors tied to societal pressures and the environment you are in.