Quarantine Journals - Day 5

So I am back in Canada but have to sustain self-quarantine in a hotel for 14 days. That being said, what a great day to start a daily journal. I signed up to Isolation Journals where everyday it sends out a journal prompt. I decided to give it a try and I am writing these not in any order that was sent to me but based on random.

Prompt: Write a forged letter. Could be from a favorite celebrity or a fictional character or a historical figure or your ex-mother-in-law. Could be one of Lee Israel’s forgery victims writing her back, or from Lee herself. The point is to inhabit a perspective and channel a voice—and in doing so, to reflect on what makes your own distinct.

I will write this letter channeling one of my favourite fictional character: Ai Haibara (灰原 哀) From Detective Conan.

A little bit of context, Ai used to be Shiho Miyano - a genius scientist - before she got shrunk down to a 7 year old girl to escape from antagonist of the show. As a fan of the show for the past 24 years (it’s been airing since 1996), I only grew fond of her in recent years because her level of maturity was hard to appreciate as a youth.

Her life is one tragedy after another, and I really hope that Aoyama (the creator of the show) gives her a happy ending. Anyways, this letter she is writing to her deceased older sister.

Dear Akemi,

I begin to question everything I believed in life. Once upon a time, I was a loyal believer in the mission that the Organization has imprinted in me since we were young. I often question how our parents died, how an accident can end two human lives. The distrust and insecurity made me felt like I am walking on a tightrope for the past 18 years. When they killed you, I felt the flicker of hope I had was smothered by darkness.

For such a long time, I believed in my instincts. I trusted my instincts to survive, to ensure both of us stay alive in the Organization. It is only my instinct and my unwavering believes that motivated me to continue to develop these products for the Organization. I couldn’t trust anyone and I remain suspicious of everyone’s motivations. But ever since I met Shinichi (or Conan as you’ve known him) and his friends, I have begin to slowly learned to trust once again. I don’t know if that is trust, but it is a warm feeling that I only get when I am with you. The only moment of security that I felt for the past 18 years was with you and I started to feel more of those moments when I am with everyone.

Although Shinichi often takes such risky moves, I still couldn’t help but follow along. It is almost as if there is a gravitational pull toward him and for the first time since you’ve passed that I wanted to protect someone or rather a group of someone. I don’t know if this is happiness or just temporary insanity that I am experiencing but I don’t hate this feeling.

I hope the next time I write to you, I have finally escape the Organization and begin the next milestone of my journey.

See you,

Shiho